If You Never Listen To Anything I Say Again, Please Here This

​Like most people, I get my TV watching done in binge sessions on Netflix.  I don’t watch a terrible amount of TV, since reading is my preferred method of entertainment.  However, in those instances where I can knock out a season or two of a show while being sick on the couch, I’ll do it.  The latest of these shows is called, “Madam Secretary.”  It’s a great show about the Secretary of State that balances saving the world with an awesome home life.  In one of the latest episodes from Season One that I watched, the main character, Elizabeth McCord has a tough conversation with her 20 year old daughter who is fresh off of dropping out of college.  I’m going to dive further into this below, but here is the sage advice that she offered.

“If you never listen to anything I say again for the rest of your life, please hear this.  Everything is more complicated than you think it is right now and the only way you come to know that is through experience.  And that is what this whole process of growing up is about.”

I thought that this quote lends itself well to the big discussion of “college” that parents and their students are having.  It’s easy for a lot of people to look at choosing college as not a big deal, find the right one and get to it.  But if you break this quote down in relation to what’s actually going on in the minds of students, you will uncover the complication.  So how do we get through the complication?

For Parents

I get it, your kids don’t talk to you like they use to.  In some instances the fact that they bring up college is a surprise, because up until now you may not have noticed any sort of interest in any particular field or going to college at all.  There is a complicated battle going on inside your student’s brain.  They don’t have the experience yet and they will act nonchalant but in all reality they are freaking out on the inside and are seeking your guidance.  They are yearning to grow up but they still have one foot in the door at home because typically it’s safe and it’s all they have ever known.  Be a sounding board for your child as they explore majors, colleges, career training, etc.  They aren’t always going to go in the direction that you think they should.  It’s important to have some flexibility within the rails of your ideal outcome.  Open dialogue will help your student make the right decisions for themselves.  And believe it or not, deep down, they want to make a decision that is right for them, but ultimately will still make you proud of them.  You may think that their part of the college search equation isn’t that complicated compared to yours, but it really is.  They are becoming adults and growing up, give them a little rope during the process.

For Students

In the paragraph above, I discussed the student’s complications so that parents can get a look inside the brain of their young adult that is getting ready to take that next big step.  In this section, I want to address the student.  You may be overwhelmed and you realize how complicated the search process is for you.  But you have to understand that it’s incredibly complicated for your parents as well.  Now luckily they have had some life experience that they are able to possibly compartmentalize their feelings a little more.  You may have older siblings that have gone through the process that gives them a road map to work off as well.  A lot of the complication for your parents comes from lack of communication on your part.  Talk to you folks about what you’re interested in when it comes to majors, options after college, etc.  They want to see you succeed and they understand that you’re ready to “grow up”.  Truth bomb… one of the biggest complications in this process is “how to pay for school”.  This is the one that most parents, typically 7 out of 10 will worry about the most.  They may hide it from you, but realistically it’s there.  Don’t be afraid to have the money talk with your folks.  Until the age of 24 in most cases, they are still included in your Financial Aid Package, so it’s a conversation that needs to happen sooner than later.  If they unveil the financials, be willing to have some flexibility in your direction as well.  This discussion will help layout some good helpful parameters on your college search.

Life will open up great doors for you and it will also test you to your breaking point.  But like the quote said earlier, that’s just the process of growing up!

As always… Dream It, Believe It, Do It and Win It.